Hikki's Inner Mind Theatre: Evangeliesque
By Cille
How deed eet come to zees? Why does eet have to be me? I cannot do zees. I'm just going to let zem all down. I should just run away. But I mustn't run away. Zey are all depending on me. But I cannot do eet! Ah mon dieu!
Hikki sat alone at one of the tables in the empty cafe. He had long since lost track of how long he had been there, and it didn't really matter anymore. He was lost in a daze, consumed by thoughts and images that reminded him of his failures. All of the insecurities he had been feeling since he took over the Syndicate had finally overwhelmed him. He hadn't even touched the last two cream puffs that had been sitting on the plate beside him for hours.
Nobody had come into the cafe since he had been sitting there lost in thought. Even Samson and Clarice were nowhere to be seen - except as ever-present spectres in Hikki's troubled mind.
You could never do anything right, the ethereal Clarice snapped at him. I always knew you were incompetent. You should have just gone back to being a baker and let someone with half a brain lead the rebellion.
Maybe if you spent less time trying to get into my pants, you wouldn't be such a failure as a leader, Samson added mockingly. You know I never liked you. Maybe you'll finally get a clue when I marry Clarice.
And there were others, comrades past and present that he had let down.
He saw Cille's mutilated body, her haunted eyes gazing at him sorrowfully: It's your fault that I was murdered. Luna asked you to take care of me. And you didn't even try.
And Luna, her voice dripping with the Comedienne's trademark sarcasm: Gee, thanks for getting my cafe blown up. I'm glad I left it in such capable hands.
And Elizabeth, gaunt and filthy and bruised: Did you even think of coming to rescue me?
And Heero, or what was left of him without his entrails: You never even bothered to give me a funeral.
And Landon, looking down on him with pure scorn: How dare you think that you were fit to lead my Syndicate. I should just have you disposed of right now.
Even Argeno appeared before him. And, to Hikki's momentary delight, he appeared to be naked. He leaned toward Hikki, alluringly whispering "Voulez-vous devenir un avec moi?" Hikki eagerly reached toward the apparition of his former lover, until suddenly a gunshot rang out and Argeno's body was flung backwards. He seemed to drift away into the haze, as Hikki looked on with horror and longing.
"WHY MUST EET BE LIKE ZEES?!?!" Hikki cried out in anguish. It was as if his entire world had crashed down around him, and all that was left was a series of poorly-drawn still frames and recycled footage.
Suddenly noticing the presence of the cream puffs on the table beside him, he snatched them both up and crammed them into his mouth. As he chewed and swallowed, it almost seemed to him that they tasted a little... off, but at that point he didn't care.
"Even my cream puffs don't come out right..." he mumbled despondently, slumping over and laying his head on his arms.
He let himself drift away, feeling too weak to fight his gloom anymore.
"Hikki... Hikki... Hikki!" The voice, which seemed awfully familiar, grew increasingly insistent. "It's time to go get ready to open the cafe!"
Hikki came out of his daze to find himself in his bed, with someone laying beside him shaking him. "I know we'd both like to stay here in bed all day, but those breakfast pastries aren't going to bake themselves," the voice said. Hikki rolled over and groggily looked up to see... Samson? In his bed? Smiling down at him? What ze?
Samson glanced down and smiled slyly. "Morning wood, huh? We'll have to do something about that. "
Hikki blushed and got all flustered. "Chu... I - I don't know if we should... I mean..."
"Ohhh..." Samson pouted. "Is that any way to treat your husband? Ah well, you're probably right - we don't really have time to play now. It's already later than it should be."
Samson got up and started getting dressed. As Hikki watched him, wide-eyed but appreciative, he wracked his brain trying to figure out what was going on. Was this really his life? He certainly didn't remember ever marrying Samson... But hell, if this is how it was, he wasn't going to complain. In fact, he might very much enjoy it.
A few minutes (and a quick trip to the bathroom) later, they were both dressed and ready to head down to the cafe. As they walked down the hallway toward the stairs, they passed Clarice carrying a bucket and mop. She was dressed in a lolita-style maid outfit, complete with a frilly headpiece. She looked ridiculous. And that was just the way Hikki liked it.
"Keep up the good work, scullery maid," Samson said patronizingly. She looked down subserviently as they passed. Hikki smiled, feeling proud of his hubby.
When they reached the main floor of the cafe, they were greeted by a rousing "Good morning, Hikki and Samson!" Hikki surveyed the room, and was quite gratified to see all of his friends from the Syndicate, each dressed in a snappy server outfit or sous chef uniform. They had obviously already been hard at work setting up the dining room to prepare for the breakfast crowd, and the place looked impeccable.
Luna came rushing over from the front of the cafe, wearing a snazzy dress befitting her role as hostess. "Hikki," she gasped, "look at the line of people waiting to get in! It must stretch all the way around the block! Maybe even two blocks!"
Everyone looked at Hikki expectantly.
"Well zen..." he said grandly, "we cannot keep zem waiting! Let ze morning festeeveeteez begeen!"
And so they began their mad bustle to serve the never-ending stream of customers. Hikki and his team of sous chefs worked tirelessly in the kitchen, as Luna and her waitstaff kept everyone happy in the dining room and Samson manned the cash register. People came from miles around to enjoy Hikki's food, and there was never an empty seat for long. Breakfast turned to brunch, and brunch became lunch, and lunch gave way to supper. And still the cafe was filled with people, all agreeing that this was the best food they had ever had.
Everyone was smiling and happy. There was no talk of political turmoil, or war, or anything bad. There was only good food, and the sounds of people laughing and utensils clattering and the cash register ringing, and everyone having a good time being there. And Hikki presided over it all, with an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and contentment.
And then out of nowhere, right in the middle of the suppertime rush, all of a sudden the cafe started spontaneously expanding. Like, actually physically growing larger. Hikki and his cohorts and their customers all held on for dear life, as the cafe grew to an unfathomable size. When it finally settled down, Hikki cautiously stepped outside to see what had happened. Amazingly enough, he found that the cafe had actually grown so large that it had literally taken over the world! And not only that, but he and the crowd of people who had followed him out of the cafe were also randomly huge, as if they were standing on the world itself!
After a moment of shocked silence, a tumult spontaneously broke out among the crowd. Hikki turned around to see everyone clapping and cheering for him and the success of his cafe.
"Congratulations! Congratulations!"
Hikki looked from person to person, and was greeted by smiling faces beaming back at him. Samson, Clarice, Anne, Luna, Cille, Spice, Elizabeth, Angel, Yemman, Gottel, Cowboy, Lirpa, Real Coolman, Wyatt, Cougar, Heero, Riza, Raef, Eric, Jake, Emiri, Kira, Mustang, Havoc, Landon... they were all there clapping for him. And Argeno was there, and gave Hikki a big smooch as he passed by. Even his parents were there, whom he hadn't seen since he left France to make a new life for himself.
"Mon dieu!" Hikki thought. "Maybe my life doesn't suck after all!"
And then they had a rave. And it was awesome.
The End.
How deed eet come to zees? Why does eet have to be me? I cannot do zees. I'm just going to let zem all down. I should just run away. But I mustn't run away. Zey are all depending on me. But I cannot do eet! Ah mon dieu!
Hikki sat alone at one of the tables in the empty cafe. He had long since lost track of how long he had been there, and it didn't really matter anymore. He was lost in a daze, consumed by thoughts and images that reminded him of his failures. All of the insecurities he had been feeling since he took over the Syndicate had finally overwhelmed him. He hadn't even touched the last two cream puffs that had been sitting on the plate beside him for hours.
Nobody had come into the cafe since he had been sitting there lost in thought. Even Samson and Clarice were nowhere to be seen - except as ever-present spectres in Hikki's troubled mind.
You could never do anything right, the ethereal Clarice snapped at him. I always knew you were incompetent. You should have just gone back to being a baker and let someone with half a brain lead the rebellion.
Maybe if you spent less time trying to get into my pants, you wouldn't be such a failure as a leader, Samson added mockingly. You know I never liked you. Maybe you'll finally get a clue when I marry Clarice.
And there were others, comrades past and present that he had let down.
He saw Cille's mutilated body, her haunted eyes gazing at him sorrowfully: It's your fault that I was murdered. Luna asked you to take care of me. And you didn't even try.
And Luna, her voice dripping with the Comedienne's trademark sarcasm: Gee, thanks for getting my cafe blown up. I'm glad I left it in such capable hands.
And Elizabeth, gaunt and filthy and bruised: Did you even think of coming to rescue me?
And Heero, or what was left of him without his entrails: You never even bothered to give me a funeral.
And Landon, looking down on him with pure scorn: How dare you think that you were fit to lead my Syndicate. I should just have you disposed of right now.
Even Argeno appeared before him. And, to Hikki's momentary delight, he appeared to be naked. He leaned toward Hikki, alluringly whispering "Voulez-vous devenir un avec moi?" Hikki eagerly reached toward the apparition of his former lover, until suddenly a gunshot rang out and Argeno's body was flung backwards. He seemed to drift away into the haze, as Hikki looked on with horror and longing.
"WHY MUST EET BE LIKE ZEES?!?!" Hikki cried out in anguish. It was as if his entire world had crashed down around him, and all that was left was a series of poorly-drawn still frames and recycled footage.
Suddenly noticing the presence of the cream puffs on the table beside him, he snatched them both up and crammed them into his mouth. As he chewed and swallowed, it almost seemed to him that they tasted a little... off, but at that point he didn't care.
"Even my cream puffs don't come out right..." he mumbled despondently, slumping over and laying his head on his arms.
He let himself drift away, feeling too weak to fight his gloom anymore.
"Hikki... Hikki... Hikki!" The voice, which seemed awfully familiar, grew increasingly insistent. "It's time to go get ready to open the cafe!"
Hikki came out of his daze to find himself in his bed, with someone laying beside him shaking him. "I know we'd both like to stay here in bed all day, but those breakfast pastries aren't going to bake themselves," the voice said. Hikki rolled over and groggily looked up to see... Samson? In his bed? Smiling down at him? What ze?
Samson glanced down and smiled slyly. "Morning wood, huh? We'll have to do something about that. "
Hikki blushed and got all flustered. "Chu... I - I don't know if we should... I mean..."
"Ohhh..." Samson pouted. "Is that any way to treat your husband? Ah well, you're probably right - we don't really have time to play now. It's already later than it should be."
Samson got up and started getting dressed. As Hikki watched him, wide-eyed but appreciative, he wracked his brain trying to figure out what was going on. Was this really his life? He certainly didn't remember ever marrying Samson... But hell, if this is how it was, he wasn't going to complain. In fact, he might very much enjoy it.
A few minutes (and a quick trip to the bathroom) later, they were both dressed and ready to head down to the cafe. As they walked down the hallway toward the stairs, they passed Clarice carrying a bucket and mop. She was dressed in a lolita-style maid outfit, complete with a frilly headpiece. She looked ridiculous. And that was just the way Hikki liked it.
"Keep up the good work, scullery maid," Samson said patronizingly. She looked down subserviently as they passed. Hikki smiled, feeling proud of his hubby.
When they reached the main floor of the cafe, they were greeted by a rousing "Good morning, Hikki and Samson!" Hikki surveyed the room, and was quite gratified to see all of his friends from the Syndicate, each dressed in a snappy server outfit or sous chef uniform. They had obviously already been hard at work setting up the dining room to prepare for the breakfast crowd, and the place looked impeccable.
Luna came rushing over from the front of the cafe, wearing a snazzy dress befitting her role as hostess. "Hikki," she gasped, "look at the line of people waiting to get in! It must stretch all the way around the block! Maybe even two blocks!"
Everyone looked at Hikki expectantly.
"Well zen..." he said grandly, "we cannot keep zem waiting! Let ze morning festeeveeteez begeen!"
And so they began their mad bustle to serve the never-ending stream of customers. Hikki and his team of sous chefs worked tirelessly in the kitchen, as Luna and her waitstaff kept everyone happy in the dining room and Samson manned the cash register. People came from miles around to enjoy Hikki's food, and there was never an empty seat for long. Breakfast turned to brunch, and brunch became lunch, and lunch gave way to supper. And still the cafe was filled with people, all agreeing that this was the best food they had ever had.
Everyone was smiling and happy. There was no talk of political turmoil, or war, or anything bad. There was only good food, and the sounds of people laughing and utensils clattering and the cash register ringing, and everyone having a good time being there. And Hikki presided over it all, with an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and contentment.
And then out of nowhere, right in the middle of the suppertime rush, all of a sudden the cafe started spontaneously expanding. Like, actually physically growing larger. Hikki and his cohorts and their customers all held on for dear life, as the cafe grew to an unfathomable size. When it finally settled down, Hikki cautiously stepped outside to see what had happened. Amazingly enough, he found that the cafe had actually grown so large that it had literally taken over the world! And not only that, but he and the crowd of people who had followed him out of the cafe were also randomly huge, as if they were standing on the world itself!
After a moment of shocked silence, a tumult spontaneously broke out among the crowd. Hikki turned around to see everyone clapping and cheering for him and the success of his cafe.
"Congratulations! Congratulations!"
Hikki looked from person to person, and was greeted by smiling faces beaming back at him. Samson, Clarice, Anne, Luna, Cille, Spice, Elizabeth, Angel, Yemman, Gottel, Cowboy, Lirpa, Real Coolman, Wyatt, Cougar, Heero, Riza, Raef, Eric, Jake, Emiri, Kira, Mustang, Havoc, Landon... they were all there clapping for him. And Argeno was there, and gave Hikki a big smooch as he passed by. Even his parents were there, whom he hadn't seen since he left France to make a new life for himself.
"Mon dieu!" Hikki thought. "Maybe my life doesn't suck after all!"
And then they had a rave. And it was awesome.
The End.