Chapter 28 - The Third Party
By matrixman124
It was a cool, cloudy night with a full moon, glowing yellow in the ink-black sky. Suddenly, a lunar eclipse occurred. Or so it appeared. The grand zeppelin soared over the skies of Orly, not arousing the suspicions of anyone except maybe a few astronomers. On the side of the zeppelin read the scarlet words, “The Bird of Spamming is my name. Devour my spam to make me sane.”
In the control room stood the sinister man of shadow. He was frowning. Everything had been planned out perfectly! How could this one problem happen? That Ozzal was so incompetent. She couldn’t do anything right. But, it’s of no consequence. After all… her usefulness was running out. Such a naive woman to not know that she herself was a pawn, and not him.
“Ay, los mios.” He sighed. “Why must our plans be in such a poor state?”
Behind him stood a stoic man, dressed in the uniform of an SS officer. The wolf under his command. He quietly stood there, listening to the musings of his master.
“I think it’s about time to check in with my partner, eh, mi lobo?” The soldier with the rank of Captain said nothing.
With that, De Sombras picked up a phone. It’s about time to remove the veil hiding the identity of the one called Shadow.
The zeppelin continued on into the night as the moon shined with a golden luster.
**********
In a fortress drenched in the oppressive atmosphere of death, in a laboratory located under the fortress, the professor sat at his desk with a bottle of Advil in front of him. What was this feeling he had…?
Professor Matrix pondered to himself. What am I feeling right now? I… I haven’t felt this in such a long time… Could it be…? No… No, that’s impossible.
There was something locked up in his head… He… he didn’t know what it was… He felt something. Underneath all the perversive experiments, the tentacle machines, the cyber-d!ck… There was something he knew he felt there. He began to feel frustrated. WHY? WHY AM I FEELING THIS NOW?! REGRET?! REMORSE?! For what?! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?!
It was then that it finally came to him… When he killed that guy. A man who he had called his mentor. Well, it wasn’t like there was really any choice. After all, they said they would not only kill him, but also kill her as well. It cost him a lot. That’s for sure. That one decision that happened all those years ago. He had killed a man like his own father, he lost the girl he had loved most, and he had lost 90% of his sanity. Okay, maybe a good 98.7% But, that Ozzal… She was a scary woman. Even more so than in an S&M sense. Even more so than the wrath of basically all his ex-girlfriends… combined. Matrix shuddered a bit… But, at that very moment, something happened. He smiled. And… He began to laugh. At first it was almost mild giggling, but in time, it swelled into a maniacal, uncontrollable laughter. He paused, taking a few breaths to regain control of himself.
“Hehe… Luckily for me, I’m the one who really has the ace of spades up his sleeve.” He held a crimson bottle in his hand which he playfully rolled around within his palm.
At that very moment, he felt something very sharp bite down on his head. “NMPH!”
With a few tugs, he managed to detach the lab assistant from his skull.
“Hey, Amy-chan! I’ve got a new invention up my sleeve. Care to see it?” He smirked as he said this.
With an ADD-oriented jump, she began cheering, “YES YES YES YES!”
As Matrix led Amy to the other side of the lab, he couldn’t help but feel a little crappy… But… that would have to wait for later…
“Now presenting the newest and most prestigious of all my inventions…” He pulled back a curtain.
“Why, me?!” moaned Gottel.
“INTRODUCING THE FIRST EVER AS$BORG, GOT-AS$!” Matrix let out a laugh of glee.
“YAAAAAAAY!” yelled Amy.
“… Um… Can I go now?” asked Gottel in confused daze.
Matrix sneered “You’re never getting out of here – Willis. This is Willis space – Willis.” Just then Gottel smacked him. “Oh, thank you. I get a little loopy sometimes as you can see.”
“…”
“…”
“BUTTSECKS!” exclaimed Matrix.
Gottel let out a sigh. Well… At least he had a new and improved as$. But, where the hell was he anyway?
**********
A few floors above, the supreme dictator of Actonia was super pissed. And I mean super pissed. All of her secret weapons were gone sans the freaking tentacrotch dude. Oh they would pay for this… Yes they would pay…
“ECHELON ASSEMBLE!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
In a flash, four men appeared before her. Behind the first two men stood a silver-haired man in a black coat holding a katana and a blue-haired man in a long white coat with a skull on his shoulder and a torture device on his other shoulder.
“What is thy bidding, my master?” asked Zeus.
“There is a great disturbance in the – wait… WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?! Listen up. Jake, Emiri, and Spice have gone AWOL. I want you to bring them back. Or at least Spice… Jake and Emiri’s usefulness is just about depleted. You can deal with them as you see fit.” Ozzal sneered.
“It will be our honor, madame.” Responded Kay El and Zeus simultaneously.
Legato and Vicious politely bowed.
And with that, the four of them vanished almost as mysteriously as when they had first appeared.
Ozzal, still feeling like crap, munched on her non-tentacle Taquitos. They would pay for making her look like a fool… THEY’D ALL PAY.
**********
Yupat looked over his shoulder for the fifth time that night. Nothing behind him. He had a feeling that he was being followed, but by who? His life was definitely in danger, he knew that for sure… But, who was after him? Ozzal? The Syndicate? Some third party organization like one being introduced in this chapter? He was walking down a rather empty street. It was quiet and chilly. Very chilly. Like Antarctic chilly.
To escape the cold, Yupat decided to duck into a café, opened pretty lately at night. Hei sat back on the top of his hiding place. Despite the fact that his orders were to trail the detective Keith Douglas, he couldn’t help but follow this amusing little guy. Yupat could sense his emotionless contractor presence. He shrugged. Anyways, now the bimbo would have to be on her own. Heh. He was very sure that whatever fate Miss S&M would inflict on the reporter would be far worse than anything he could devise. With that, he disappeared into the darkness of the night.
Back in the café, Yupat sat at the café counter, sipping a cup of coffee. Black. There was only two or three more people there besides himself. He was tired as hell, but couldn’t fall asleep. He was getting fairly paranoid, so sleep had really become irrelevant for him. Just then, a woman in black sat at the bar stool next to him.
“Hey, Mikuru? Can I have one strawberry sundae?” She asked.
The attractive waitress responded by opening a small refrigerator… a refrigerator full of strawberry sundaes. Yupat was surprised. Must be a regular here or something. He looked her over. She was fairly attractive, though she seemed to be ridiculously strong-willed for a woman. Hmm…
“Hey, you.”
Yupat awoke from his ponderings to see that the girl was talking to him.
“Um… Yes?”
“Haven’t seen you around here,” She looked him over. “What’s your name?”
“Yupat.”
The woman smiled. “Hey, Mikuru.” She yelled out to the waitress. “Get this guy a strawberry sundae.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The waitress replied.
Yupat found himself staring down a strawberry sundae completely identical to the girl’s. He began to eat it. You only live once anyways.
“So, what is it that you do, Mr. Yupat?”
“Reporter. I work for a local newspaper, the Orly Review. You may have heard of it.” He paused. “By the way, what’s your name?”
“I’m Lisa. Lisa Eyehawk.” She winked.
Yupat felt a small stirring in his loins, immediately blushing.
Lisa smiled. “Hey. After we finish our sundaes, you wanna do something? I know a good place downtown.”
“Isn’t this already downtown?” Asked Yupat nervously.
“Oh, right.” Lisa laughed.
After Yupat paid the bill, the waitress politely told them to “Please come again! ^_^” They left the café and began walking down the street.
15 minutes later they reached her destination. Yupat stuttered. “What the? THIS IS A LOVE HOTEL! WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE?!”
Lisa blushed. “I thought you liked me, Yupat. I can be a very direct woman, you know. I assure you that you won’t regret this.” Little did he know that she was crossing her fingers behind her back.
After some time, Yupat finally consented. It was so long since he’d been with a woman and this one was actually willing to do it with him. He smiled. It was about time he got some time to live.
Holding hands, they entered the Love Hotel, which had a sign on a side window reading “More Income than Anime!”
*insert explicit sex scene here*
**********
It was getting really late. Hill and Trunks hadn’t had such a great time in awhile. This Goose guy, eccentricities aside, was so much fun to be around. He liked EVERYTHING! He liked Die Hard, Platoon, walks on a beach, guns, squids, octopuses, vine monsters (apparently he liked tentacles a lot), video games, anime, and… Well, you name it, he liked it.
Trunks was getting a little drunk now. “Man, you’re great, man… you’re so awesome!”
“Thanks, buddy!” replied Maverick.
Hill butt in, also slightly drunk, “Yo! Let’s watch Tsubasa Chronicles. I hear it’s totally awesome!”
Trunks, being drunk, replied, “Yea, sure! How about you, Goose? Uh… Goose?”
Goose Maverick was twitching. He had a little tic going on that was extremely creepy. It was like he was having a mental breakdown or something.
“Goose????” Trunks asked in an increasingly terrified voice.
Suddenly, his pupils disappeared, showing the clear, bluish whites of his eyes. IT had been triggered. The Kuro x Fai trigger!
From within his loins sprung 12 mechanical appendages.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” yelled Trunks and Hill in unison. Trunks immediately pulled down a shotgun and loaded it, while Hill managed to take out to Colt .45 magnum revolvers. This was going to get messy.
**********
Team Epsilon and Delta scurried through the alleyways of Lower Actonia to find a trace of their prey. The leader raised his hand in a fist, signaling them to stop. With his hand he motioned for the teams to split up. He had found Team Epsilon’s prey. Team Delta now had to find it’s own target now.
Team Epsilon consisted of the man with the katana and Zeus. They promptly followed the trail of the girl and her escort.
Since they lacked any clues at all to the whereabouts of their target, Team Delta decided to split up. The man in the white coat went north. Kay El went south. It wasn’t before long that Kay El finally picked up a very faint trail. In time, he reached the entrance of a rather old, abandoned warehouse. Kay El grinned. Lucky~! It was such a shame that Legato would be missing out on all the fun, but then again… Kay El always liked to start the party on his own. He smugly approached the door…
**********
Samson let out a scream as he suddenly woke up. He was in a cold sweat.
“Wha… What was that?!” he gasped out both disgusted and very much freaked out.
He was in the guest room in the Cafe. No naked Hikki. No guy on guy action. Samson let out a sigh of relief.
“Thank God.”
He had another freaking gay sex dream. WHAT THE HELL?!
“I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m not gay.”
“Saaaaamsoooon!” yelled a familiar voice which was pretty much the last thing Samson wanted to hear at the moment.
Hikki burst in through the door. “My dear Samson! Did somezing happen to my preziouz Samson?!” he cried out.
“I’m fine. I just had a bad dream. That’s all.”
“Waz zat dream with me, perhaps?”
Samson suddenly blushed a crimson red. “Don’t be crazy, you psycho. Back off!”
“Oh? Maybe ee waz right? Ee zink ee know what you need right now…”
With a mischievous grin, Hikki leaned closer to Samson. It was freaking udo vu all over again sans Hikki being naked.
It was at this moment that Clarice poked her head into the doorway.
“What’s going on?” She then froze in terror as Hikki advanced on Samson.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, HIKKI?!”
She threw a stale roll at him. However, instead of the main target, the roll went into Samson’s forehead instead, rendering him unconscious.
“Now look et what you’ve done!” Hikki cried. “You killed him!” He moved toward Samson’s unconscious body. “Don’t worry, my beloved! Ee will save you!”
He proceeded to give Samson CPR. Samson awoke to find Hikki apparently kissing him… HIKKI APPARENTLY KISSING HIM?!
Samson threw Hikki off of him. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” He wiped his mouth with back of his arm.
“You know you enjoyed eet.” Hikki slyly replied.
During this whole time, Clarice was petrified. At first, she was in shock that she had nearly killed Samson with a role. Then she was shocked to see Hikki giving his version of CPR to Samson. It looked like a kiss! Samson’s first kiss! TO A GUY! Clarice, finally gaining control of herself again, turned around and ran out the room.
“Wait, Clarice!” yelled Samson. He chased after Clarice, leaving Hikki by himself.
Cowboy, who was staying for the night, entered the room.
“What’s with all the ruckus?” Sung Cowboy.
“Eet waz nothing.” Hikki curtly replied.
“…”
“…”
“Then why isn’t Samsoooooon here?” He asked still in a melodic voice.
Hikki winked. “Eet’s a long story.”
Meanwhile, Samson chased Clarice down into the meeting cellar. “Clarice?”
“Leave me alone!” yelled a voice.
Samson frowned. “Come on out, will ya? It’s not my fault that Hikki is always trying to sexually molest me.”
“You like it, though!”
Samson blushed at the sound of this. Hikki and him weren’t like that… not at all… But, those recurring dreams…
Samson shook his head to get the disturbing images out.
“Listen, Clarice. There’s nothing going on between me and him. You should know that.”
Clarice sniffled a bit, “It’s just that… I can’t believe he kissed you.”
Samson went on the defensive. “It wasn’t a kiss. I was unconscious!”
“Your first kiss… I… I can’t believe it.” The voice began to become more and more audible.
Samson blushed when he heard these words. Wait a second… Could Clarice… Could she possibly…?
Samson found her hiding place between a few damp crates.
“Why… why would you say that?” asked Samson in a slightly nervous tone. Now that he could see Clarice’s face was also blushing.
“I don’t know… I… I just don’t know.”
Samson put a hand on her shoulder. At that moment, she looked up and they both looked into each other’s eyes. They embraced.
“Don’t worry, Clarice” Samson calmly, yet firmly said. “No matter what happens, no matter what kind of conflict we will encounter, I will protect you. Please… Please believe me when I tell you this.”
They then backed away from one another.
Clarice smiled. “Is that a promise?” She held out her pinky.
Samson extended his pinky. “You bet.”
It was a promise.
Just then… the doors to a desolate warehouse where forced off their hinges.
“Pardon me, but is Spice there?”
**********
Kira and Emiri made themselves comfortable on the church pews. After explaining their story to Nafah, she had offered them refuge in the great church. Tomorrow, they’d be heading to the HQ of the Syndicate. There they would find some answers.
“You know this makes me feel kinda bad about trying to mutilate her beyond all recognition.” Emiri thought out loud.
Kira chuckled. “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t, eh?”
Emiri made a face at him. “Well, who the hell do you think I am?”
Kira laughed out loud now. “Now, that’s the Emiri that I love.”
Emiri blushed a bit. “Eh? Whatcha talkin’ bout, Kira?”
Kira was a little udokuate. “Well… Mistress Emiri… “
Just then, there came a knocking on the door.
Priestess Nafah suddenly descended down to the altar.
“Who is it at this hour?”
A voice on the other side of the door began to yell at her, “Hey, priestess lady! Could ya let us in? We’re just a couple of strangers that want you to fork over our useless little ex-assassin! Otherwise, we’re burning down the church! How’s that sound?”
Emiri recognized that voice. It was the only one who could have tracked her down… #1 of Echelon… “Angry God” Zeus.
Nafah stayed silent.
“Welp… We’ll take that silence as a no. So we’re burning this motherf*cker down! Have a nice day,” said the voice.
Nafah prepared herself to attack the faceless men outside, until someone stopped her. It was Emiri.
“Now, don’t worry. We’ll take care of this. Me and Kira. These guys are tough, but we can take ‘em out. Let’s GO!” She smirked. This would be her first big fight in a while.
As Emiri and Kira walked toward the main door to the church, Nafah could only say the words, “May you go in the favor of God Almighty.”
The doors opened.
Just as Emiri opened the door, she had to dodge the sweep of a rather sharp katana. “Nice of you to join us, Useless Emiri,” smiled Zeus. Kira managed to strike at Vicious. They began to duel. Zeus looked on with amusement.
“If you’re here, it looks like I won’t have to hold back,” remarked Kira. “Raise your head, Wabisuke!” At once, his sword became what appeared to be a square hook.
“Go, Emiri! I’ll hold him off! You take out Zeus!” They fought on, moving away from the battlefield that was about to be created.
Zeus began to laugh. “HAH! Take out ME? That’s a laugh!”
From within his coat he withdrew what appeared to be a rather large staff with a mace at the end of it. “Now, shall we get this party started, Useless Emiri? You think you can kill me without your precious Stimulant? HAH!”
Emiri scowled. This was going to be tricky. She pulled out her trusty chain blade.
At once, Zeus disappeared. Emiri paused. Suddenly, she looked above. Swinging the mace staff with ease, Zeus slammed the mace into the ground in front of Emiri. She was blown away, even though she wasn’t even directly hit.
“Tsk, tsk. Haven’t we been getting careless?” Zeus sneered. Emiri recovered and threw the razor sharp blade chain at him. He easily parried it with the mace. This was ridiculous! He had both ridiculous strength and ridiculous speed! This guy couldn’t be human.
Zeus charged her now. Emiri pulled her blade back and prepared a counter-attack. Just then, Zeus pressed a small button on the staff. To Emiri’s surprise, he flipped the staff over, leaving himself wide open… That is, until a long blade came out of the other side of the staff, cutting Emiri’s cheek. Surprised by this, she didn’t have the time to dodge when Zeus flipped the staff over, hitting her square in the stomach with the mace.
“You’ve gotten so pathetic, Useless Emiri. This is starting to get boring!” chuckled the head of Echelon.
Emiri slid about 30 meters across the ground, stopping in front of the doors of the church. She began to get up, coughing up blood. She was dizzy. It seemed that she had no choice. She would have to use IT.
As Zeus approached, Emiri pulled a flask from within her blouse. She immediately downed it in a few seconds.
“Oh? So you’re using a form of the stimulant on yourself after all? My how far you have fallen!”
Emiri grinned as the blood trickled down her lips. “That wasn’t stimulant. That was something else.”
Zeus was confused. “Eh?”
“It’s something I’d like to call… Jack Daniels.”
Zeus’s eyes widened. “Wha???” He was confused now.
Just then, he suddenly realized his arm wasn’t there anymore. SHE HAD CUT OFF HIS F*CKING ARM!
Zeus scowled. “You b!tch!”
He ran at her with the mace in his other hand, he was going to turn her into a smudge in the ground. That is, until he had his stomach cut open, allowing his guts to spill out.
Zeus collapsed on the ground in a puddle of his own blood. “B!tch…”
Emiri sighed with relief. It was over. It’s a good thing that she could get so powerful when she was drunk. With that, she ran off to find Kira and help him to fight Vicious.
Zeus’s finger twitched. “How annoying.” He suddenly got up. The cut on his stomach had sealed itself. He took a deep breath. The blood stains on the ground began to flow back into him, leaving the ground as it was before. He walked over to his severed limb. “I really need to get less cocky in battle…” Zeus sighed. He reattached his arm.
“That’s the last time I underestimate a piece of trash.”
It was then that he grinned a devilish grin. It was time to take things up a notch.
**********
At his hideout, Landon Blaken mused at a dusky old desk.
The phone to his right began to ring. Blaken paused for a moment. He then picked up the receiver, “Hello, comrade.”
A voice on the other side of the line responded.
“Oh, everything is going just as we planned it. Don’t worry…”
The voice responded in an angry tone.
Blaken paused. “Are you sure?”
The voice confirmed the information.
Blaken showed some mild irritation. “Tch. Well, don’t worry. We should be able to get rid of her. Stay in touch, my friend. Adios.”
A man with slicked back hair in a black suit walked into the room. “Who was that?”
“Our associate.”
“That Latino punk?”
“Please don’t call him that.”
Gauron yawned. “So, when will we make our next move?”
Blaken smiled. “Soon. Very soon.”
“Glad to hear it. Oh, by the way… What should we do about, Cougar?” inquired the terrorist. “We’ve lost contact with him for weeks. I don’t doubt that he could have been responsible for preventing her death…”
Blaken sighed, adjusting his sunglasses, “That’s definitely a possibility. We should send some of the hunters to find him. Perhaps that will lead to us to our missing little Cille, as well. Anyway, if worse comes to worse, we can always crush him. He’s expendable.”
Gauron smiled. “And what are your orders regarding the alternate version of Cille?”
“As soon as she’s no longer useful to us, you can dispose of her as you see fit. I don’t really care too much.”
The man in black bowed. “As you wish, sir.”
Blaken couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. The Cool Mexicanos were finally on the move again.
Recurring Characters:
De Sombras (Shadow) – Shadowstaar
Professor M. Matrix – matrixman124
Amy – Amalgam
Gottel (Got-As$) – Igott
Head Governess Michelle Ozzal – Mike Lazzo
Silver-haired man – Vicious (Cowboy Bebop)
Legato – Legato Bluesummers (Trigun)
Zeus – zeustheangrygod
Kay El – KagomesLuver
Yupat – yupat
Hei – Hei (Darker than BLACK)
Lisa Eyehawk a.k.a. Angel – mgangel1124
Trunks – Trunks
Hill – Fool_on_the_Hill
Goose Maverick – Top_Gun
Samson – MasterSamson
Clarice – Queen of the Dorks
Hikki – Kohikki
Cowboy – CowboyCadenza
Kira – Kira Izuru
Emiri – Boxers
Nafah – inuyashafan213
Blacken – Blah_canbespanish
New Characters:
The Soldier – The Captain (Hellsing)
Mikuru – Mikuru Asahina (Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
Gauron – Gauron (Full Metal Panic!)
References:
The Zeppelin, the words on the Zeppelin (altered a bit, obviously), and Matrix’s little thing about Willis space – Hellsing.
What is thy bidding – Star Wars reference. Duh
Strawberry sundaes – Devil May Cry! Reference.
Cool Mexicanos – Reference to a duo of spammers who wreaked havoc on the boards ages and ages ago. The spammers were named Shadowstaar and Blah_canbespanish.
It was a cool, cloudy night with a full moon, glowing yellow in the ink-black sky. Suddenly, a lunar eclipse occurred. Or so it appeared. The grand zeppelin soared over the skies of Orly, not arousing the suspicions of anyone except maybe a few astronomers. On the side of the zeppelin read the scarlet words, “The Bird of Spamming is my name. Devour my spam to make me sane.”
In the control room stood the sinister man of shadow. He was frowning. Everything had been planned out perfectly! How could this one problem happen? That Ozzal was so incompetent. She couldn’t do anything right. But, it’s of no consequence. After all… her usefulness was running out. Such a naive woman to not know that she herself was a pawn, and not him.
“Ay, los mios.” He sighed. “Why must our plans be in such a poor state?”
Behind him stood a stoic man, dressed in the uniform of an SS officer. The wolf under his command. He quietly stood there, listening to the musings of his master.
“I think it’s about time to check in with my partner, eh, mi lobo?” The soldier with the rank of Captain said nothing.
With that, De Sombras picked up a phone. It’s about time to remove the veil hiding the identity of the one called Shadow.
The zeppelin continued on into the night as the moon shined with a golden luster.
**********
In a fortress drenched in the oppressive atmosphere of death, in a laboratory located under the fortress, the professor sat at his desk with a bottle of Advil in front of him. What was this feeling he had…?
Professor Matrix pondered to himself. What am I feeling right now? I… I haven’t felt this in such a long time… Could it be…? No… No, that’s impossible.
There was something locked up in his head… He… he didn’t know what it was… He felt something. Underneath all the perversive experiments, the tentacle machines, the cyber-d!ck… There was something he knew he felt there. He began to feel frustrated. WHY? WHY AM I FEELING THIS NOW?! REGRET?! REMORSE?! For what?! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?!
It was then that it finally came to him… When he killed that guy. A man who he had called his mentor. Well, it wasn’t like there was really any choice. After all, they said they would not only kill him, but also kill her as well. It cost him a lot. That’s for sure. That one decision that happened all those years ago. He had killed a man like his own father, he lost the girl he had loved most, and he had lost 90% of his sanity. Okay, maybe a good 98.7% But, that Ozzal… She was a scary woman. Even more so than in an S&M sense. Even more so than the wrath of basically all his ex-girlfriends… combined. Matrix shuddered a bit… But, at that very moment, something happened. He smiled. And… He began to laugh. At first it was almost mild giggling, but in time, it swelled into a maniacal, uncontrollable laughter. He paused, taking a few breaths to regain control of himself.
“Hehe… Luckily for me, I’m the one who really has the ace of spades up his sleeve.” He held a crimson bottle in his hand which he playfully rolled around within his palm.
At that very moment, he felt something very sharp bite down on his head. “NMPH!”
With a few tugs, he managed to detach the lab assistant from his skull.
“Hey, Amy-chan! I’ve got a new invention up my sleeve. Care to see it?” He smirked as he said this.
With an ADD-oriented jump, she began cheering, “YES YES YES YES!”
As Matrix led Amy to the other side of the lab, he couldn’t help but feel a little crappy… But… that would have to wait for later…
“Now presenting the newest and most prestigious of all my inventions…” He pulled back a curtain.
“Why, me?!” moaned Gottel.
“INTRODUCING THE FIRST EVER AS$BORG, GOT-AS$!” Matrix let out a laugh of glee.
“YAAAAAAAY!” yelled Amy.
“… Um… Can I go now?” asked Gottel in confused daze.
Matrix sneered “You’re never getting out of here – Willis. This is Willis space – Willis.” Just then Gottel smacked him. “Oh, thank you. I get a little loopy sometimes as you can see.”
“…”
“…”
“BUTTSECKS!” exclaimed Matrix.
Gottel let out a sigh. Well… At least he had a new and improved as$. But, where the hell was he anyway?
**********
A few floors above, the supreme dictator of Actonia was super pissed. And I mean super pissed. All of her secret weapons were gone sans the freaking tentacrotch dude. Oh they would pay for this… Yes they would pay…
“ECHELON ASSEMBLE!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
In a flash, four men appeared before her. Behind the first two men stood a silver-haired man in a black coat holding a katana and a blue-haired man in a long white coat with a skull on his shoulder and a torture device on his other shoulder.
“What is thy bidding, my master?” asked Zeus.
“There is a great disturbance in the – wait… WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?! Listen up. Jake, Emiri, and Spice have gone AWOL. I want you to bring them back. Or at least Spice… Jake and Emiri’s usefulness is just about depleted. You can deal with them as you see fit.” Ozzal sneered.
“It will be our honor, madame.” Responded Kay El and Zeus simultaneously.
Legato and Vicious politely bowed.
And with that, the four of them vanished almost as mysteriously as when they had first appeared.
Ozzal, still feeling like crap, munched on her non-tentacle Taquitos. They would pay for making her look like a fool… THEY’D ALL PAY.
**********
Yupat looked over his shoulder for the fifth time that night. Nothing behind him. He had a feeling that he was being followed, but by who? His life was definitely in danger, he knew that for sure… But, who was after him? Ozzal? The Syndicate? Some third party organization like one being introduced in this chapter? He was walking down a rather empty street. It was quiet and chilly. Very chilly. Like Antarctic chilly.
To escape the cold, Yupat decided to duck into a café, opened pretty lately at night. Hei sat back on the top of his hiding place. Despite the fact that his orders were to trail the detective Keith Douglas, he couldn’t help but follow this amusing little guy. Yupat could sense his emotionless contractor presence. He shrugged. Anyways, now the bimbo would have to be on her own. Heh. He was very sure that whatever fate Miss S&M would inflict on the reporter would be far worse than anything he could devise. With that, he disappeared into the darkness of the night.
Back in the café, Yupat sat at the café counter, sipping a cup of coffee. Black. There was only two or three more people there besides himself. He was tired as hell, but couldn’t fall asleep. He was getting fairly paranoid, so sleep had really become irrelevant for him. Just then, a woman in black sat at the bar stool next to him.
“Hey, Mikuru? Can I have one strawberry sundae?” She asked.
The attractive waitress responded by opening a small refrigerator… a refrigerator full of strawberry sundaes. Yupat was surprised. Must be a regular here or something. He looked her over. She was fairly attractive, though she seemed to be ridiculously strong-willed for a woman. Hmm…
“Hey, you.”
Yupat awoke from his ponderings to see that the girl was talking to him.
“Um… Yes?”
“Haven’t seen you around here,” She looked him over. “What’s your name?”
“Yupat.”
The woman smiled. “Hey, Mikuru.” She yelled out to the waitress. “Get this guy a strawberry sundae.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The waitress replied.
Yupat found himself staring down a strawberry sundae completely identical to the girl’s. He began to eat it. You only live once anyways.
“So, what is it that you do, Mr. Yupat?”
“Reporter. I work for a local newspaper, the Orly Review. You may have heard of it.” He paused. “By the way, what’s your name?”
“I’m Lisa. Lisa Eyehawk.” She winked.
Yupat felt a small stirring in his loins, immediately blushing.
Lisa smiled. “Hey. After we finish our sundaes, you wanna do something? I know a good place downtown.”
“Isn’t this already downtown?” Asked Yupat nervously.
“Oh, right.” Lisa laughed.
After Yupat paid the bill, the waitress politely told them to “Please come again! ^_^” They left the café and began walking down the street.
15 minutes later they reached her destination. Yupat stuttered. “What the? THIS IS A LOVE HOTEL! WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE?!”
Lisa blushed. “I thought you liked me, Yupat. I can be a very direct woman, you know. I assure you that you won’t regret this.” Little did he know that she was crossing her fingers behind her back.
After some time, Yupat finally consented. It was so long since he’d been with a woman and this one was actually willing to do it with him. He smiled. It was about time he got some time to live.
Holding hands, they entered the Love Hotel, which had a sign on a side window reading “More Income than Anime!”
*insert explicit sex scene here*
**********
It was getting really late. Hill and Trunks hadn’t had such a great time in awhile. This Goose guy, eccentricities aside, was so much fun to be around. He liked EVERYTHING! He liked Die Hard, Platoon, walks on a beach, guns, squids, octopuses, vine monsters (apparently he liked tentacles a lot), video games, anime, and… Well, you name it, he liked it.
Trunks was getting a little drunk now. “Man, you’re great, man… you’re so awesome!”
“Thanks, buddy!” replied Maverick.
Hill butt in, also slightly drunk, “Yo! Let’s watch Tsubasa Chronicles. I hear it’s totally awesome!”
Trunks, being drunk, replied, “Yea, sure! How about you, Goose? Uh… Goose?”
Goose Maverick was twitching. He had a little tic going on that was extremely creepy. It was like he was having a mental breakdown or something.
“Goose????” Trunks asked in an increasingly terrified voice.
Suddenly, his pupils disappeared, showing the clear, bluish whites of his eyes. IT had been triggered. The Kuro x Fai trigger!
From within his loins sprung 12 mechanical appendages.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” yelled Trunks and Hill in unison. Trunks immediately pulled down a shotgun and loaded it, while Hill managed to take out to Colt .45 magnum revolvers. This was going to get messy.
**********
Team Epsilon and Delta scurried through the alleyways of Lower Actonia to find a trace of their prey. The leader raised his hand in a fist, signaling them to stop. With his hand he motioned for the teams to split up. He had found Team Epsilon’s prey. Team Delta now had to find it’s own target now.
Team Epsilon consisted of the man with the katana and Zeus. They promptly followed the trail of the girl and her escort.
Since they lacked any clues at all to the whereabouts of their target, Team Delta decided to split up. The man in the white coat went north. Kay El went south. It wasn’t before long that Kay El finally picked up a very faint trail. In time, he reached the entrance of a rather old, abandoned warehouse. Kay El grinned. Lucky~! It was such a shame that Legato would be missing out on all the fun, but then again… Kay El always liked to start the party on his own. He smugly approached the door…
**********
Samson let out a scream as he suddenly woke up. He was in a cold sweat.
“Wha… What was that?!” he gasped out both disgusted and very much freaked out.
He was in the guest room in the Cafe. No naked Hikki. No guy on guy action. Samson let out a sigh of relief.
“Thank God.”
He had another freaking gay sex dream. WHAT THE HELL?!
“I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m not gay.”
“Saaaaamsoooon!” yelled a familiar voice which was pretty much the last thing Samson wanted to hear at the moment.
Hikki burst in through the door. “My dear Samson! Did somezing happen to my preziouz Samson?!” he cried out.
“I’m fine. I just had a bad dream. That’s all.”
“Waz zat dream with me, perhaps?”
Samson suddenly blushed a crimson red. “Don’t be crazy, you psycho. Back off!”
“Oh? Maybe ee waz right? Ee zink ee know what you need right now…”
With a mischievous grin, Hikki leaned closer to Samson. It was freaking udo vu all over again sans Hikki being naked.
It was at this moment that Clarice poked her head into the doorway.
“What’s going on?” She then froze in terror as Hikki advanced on Samson.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, HIKKI?!”
She threw a stale roll at him. However, instead of the main target, the roll went into Samson’s forehead instead, rendering him unconscious.
“Now look et what you’ve done!” Hikki cried. “You killed him!” He moved toward Samson’s unconscious body. “Don’t worry, my beloved! Ee will save you!”
He proceeded to give Samson CPR. Samson awoke to find Hikki apparently kissing him… HIKKI APPARENTLY KISSING HIM?!
Samson threw Hikki off of him. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” He wiped his mouth with back of his arm.
“You know you enjoyed eet.” Hikki slyly replied.
During this whole time, Clarice was petrified. At first, she was in shock that she had nearly killed Samson with a role. Then she was shocked to see Hikki giving his version of CPR to Samson. It looked like a kiss! Samson’s first kiss! TO A GUY! Clarice, finally gaining control of herself again, turned around and ran out the room.
“Wait, Clarice!” yelled Samson. He chased after Clarice, leaving Hikki by himself.
Cowboy, who was staying for the night, entered the room.
“What’s with all the ruckus?” Sung Cowboy.
“Eet waz nothing.” Hikki curtly replied.
“…”
“…”
“Then why isn’t Samsoooooon here?” He asked still in a melodic voice.
Hikki winked. “Eet’s a long story.”
Meanwhile, Samson chased Clarice down into the meeting cellar. “Clarice?”
“Leave me alone!” yelled a voice.
Samson frowned. “Come on out, will ya? It’s not my fault that Hikki is always trying to sexually molest me.”
“You like it, though!”
Samson blushed at the sound of this. Hikki and him weren’t like that… not at all… But, those recurring dreams…
Samson shook his head to get the disturbing images out.
“Listen, Clarice. There’s nothing going on between me and him. You should know that.”
Clarice sniffled a bit, “It’s just that… I can’t believe he kissed you.”
Samson went on the defensive. “It wasn’t a kiss. I was unconscious!”
“Your first kiss… I… I can’t believe it.” The voice began to become more and more audible.
Samson blushed when he heard these words. Wait a second… Could Clarice… Could she possibly…?
Samson found her hiding place between a few damp crates.
“Why… why would you say that?” asked Samson in a slightly nervous tone. Now that he could see Clarice’s face was also blushing.
“I don’t know… I… I just don’t know.”
Samson put a hand on her shoulder. At that moment, she looked up and they both looked into each other’s eyes. They embraced.
“Don’t worry, Clarice” Samson calmly, yet firmly said. “No matter what happens, no matter what kind of conflict we will encounter, I will protect you. Please… Please believe me when I tell you this.”
They then backed away from one another.
Clarice smiled. “Is that a promise?” She held out her pinky.
Samson extended his pinky. “You bet.”
It was a promise.
Just then… the doors to a desolate warehouse where forced off their hinges.
“Pardon me, but is Spice there?”
**********
Kira and Emiri made themselves comfortable on the church pews. After explaining their story to Nafah, she had offered them refuge in the great church. Tomorrow, they’d be heading to the HQ of the Syndicate. There they would find some answers.
“You know this makes me feel kinda bad about trying to mutilate her beyond all recognition.” Emiri thought out loud.
Kira chuckled. “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t, eh?”
Emiri made a face at him. “Well, who the hell do you think I am?”
Kira laughed out loud now. “Now, that’s the Emiri that I love.”
Emiri blushed a bit. “Eh? Whatcha talkin’ bout, Kira?”
Kira was a little udokuate. “Well… Mistress Emiri… “
Just then, there came a knocking on the door.
Priestess Nafah suddenly descended down to the altar.
“Who is it at this hour?”
A voice on the other side of the door began to yell at her, “Hey, priestess lady! Could ya let us in? We’re just a couple of strangers that want you to fork over our useless little ex-assassin! Otherwise, we’re burning down the church! How’s that sound?”
Emiri recognized that voice. It was the only one who could have tracked her down… #1 of Echelon… “Angry God” Zeus.
Nafah stayed silent.
“Welp… We’ll take that silence as a no. So we’re burning this motherf*cker down! Have a nice day,” said the voice.
Nafah prepared herself to attack the faceless men outside, until someone stopped her. It was Emiri.
“Now, don’t worry. We’ll take care of this. Me and Kira. These guys are tough, but we can take ‘em out. Let’s GO!” She smirked. This would be her first big fight in a while.
As Emiri and Kira walked toward the main door to the church, Nafah could only say the words, “May you go in the favor of God Almighty.”
The doors opened.
Just as Emiri opened the door, she had to dodge the sweep of a rather sharp katana. “Nice of you to join us, Useless Emiri,” smiled Zeus. Kira managed to strike at Vicious. They began to duel. Zeus looked on with amusement.
“If you’re here, it looks like I won’t have to hold back,” remarked Kira. “Raise your head, Wabisuke!” At once, his sword became what appeared to be a square hook.
“Go, Emiri! I’ll hold him off! You take out Zeus!” They fought on, moving away from the battlefield that was about to be created.
Zeus began to laugh. “HAH! Take out ME? That’s a laugh!”
From within his coat he withdrew what appeared to be a rather large staff with a mace at the end of it. “Now, shall we get this party started, Useless Emiri? You think you can kill me without your precious Stimulant? HAH!”
Emiri scowled. This was going to be tricky. She pulled out her trusty chain blade.
At once, Zeus disappeared. Emiri paused. Suddenly, she looked above. Swinging the mace staff with ease, Zeus slammed the mace into the ground in front of Emiri. She was blown away, even though she wasn’t even directly hit.
“Tsk, tsk. Haven’t we been getting careless?” Zeus sneered. Emiri recovered and threw the razor sharp blade chain at him. He easily parried it with the mace. This was ridiculous! He had both ridiculous strength and ridiculous speed! This guy couldn’t be human.
Zeus charged her now. Emiri pulled her blade back and prepared a counter-attack. Just then, Zeus pressed a small button on the staff. To Emiri’s surprise, he flipped the staff over, leaving himself wide open… That is, until a long blade came out of the other side of the staff, cutting Emiri’s cheek. Surprised by this, she didn’t have the time to dodge when Zeus flipped the staff over, hitting her square in the stomach with the mace.
“You’ve gotten so pathetic, Useless Emiri. This is starting to get boring!” chuckled the head of Echelon.
Emiri slid about 30 meters across the ground, stopping in front of the doors of the church. She began to get up, coughing up blood. She was dizzy. It seemed that she had no choice. She would have to use IT.
As Zeus approached, Emiri pulled a flask from within her blouse. She immediately downed it in a few seconds.
“Oh? So you’re using a form of the stimulant on yourself after all? My how far you have fallen!”
Emiri grinned as the blood trickled down her lips. “That wasn’t stimulant. That was something else.”
Zeus was confused. “Eh?”
“It’s something I’d like to call… Jack Daniels.”
Zeus’s eyes widened. “Wha???” He was confused now.
Just then, he suddenly realized his arm wasn’t there anymore. SHE HAD CUT OFF HIS F*CKING ARM!
Zeus scowled. “You b!tch!”
He ran at her with the mace in his other hand, he was going to turn her into a smudge in the ground. That is, until he had his stomach cut open, allowing his guts to spill out.
Zeus collapsed on the ground in a puddle of his own blood. “B!tch…”
Emiri sighed with relief. It was over. It’s a good thing that she could get so powerful when she was drunk. With that, she ran off to find Kira and help him to fight Vicious.
Zeus’s finger twitched. “How annoying.” He suddenly got up. The cut on his stomach had sealed itself. He took a deep breath. The blood stains on the ground began to flow back into him, leaving the ground as it was before. He walked over to his severed limb. “I really need to get less cocky in battle…” Zeus sighed. He reattached his arm.
“That’s the last time I underestimate a piece of trash.”
It was then that he grinned a devilish grin. It was time to take things up a notch.
**********
At his hideout, Landon Blaken mused at a dusky old desk.
The phone to his right began to ring. Blaken paused for a moment. He then picked up the receiver, “Hello, comrade.”
A voice on the other side of the line responded.
“Oh, everything is going just as we planned it. Don’t worry…”
The voice responded in an angry tone.
Blaken paused. “Are you sure?”
The voice confirmed the information.
Blaken showed some mild irritation. “Tch. Well, don’t worry. We should be able to get rid of her. Stay in touch, my friend. Adios.”
A man with slicked back hair in a black suit walked into the room. “Who was that?”
“Our associate.”
“That Latino punk?”
“Please don’t call him that.”
Gauron yawned. “So, when will we make our next move?”
Blaken smiled. “Soon. Very soon.”
“Glad to hear it. Oh, by the way… What should we do about, Cougar?” inquired the terrorist. “We’ve lost contact with him for weeks. I don’t doubt that he could have been responsible for preventing her death…”
Blaken sighed, adjusting his sunglasses, “That’s definitely a possibility. We should send some of the hunters to find him. Perhaps that will lead to us to our missing little Cille, as well. Anyway, if worse comes to worse, we can always crush him. He’s expendable.”
Gauron smiled. “And what are your orders regarding the alternate version of Cille?”
“As soon as she’s no longer useful to us, you can dispose of her as you see fit. I don’t really care too much.”
The man in black bowed. “As you wish, sir.”
Blaken couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. The Cool Mexicanos were finally on the move again.
Recurring Characters:
De Sombras (Shadow) – Shadowstaar
Professor M. Matrix – matrixman124
Amy – Amalgam
Gottel (Got-As$) – Igott
Head Governess Michelle Ozzal – Mike Lazzo
Silver-haired man – Vicious (Cowboy Bebop)
Legato – Legato Bluesummers (Trigun)
Zeus – zeustheangrygod
Kay El – KagomesLuver
Yupat – yupat
Hei – Hei (Darker than BLACK)
Lisa Eyehawk a.k.a. Angel – mgangel1124
Trunks – Trunks
Hill – Fool_on_the_Hill
Goose Maverick – Top_Gun
Samson – MasterSamson
Clarice – Queen of the Dorks
Hikki – Kohikki
Cowboy – CowboyCadenza
Kira – Kira Izuru
Emiri – Boxers
Nafah – inuyashafan213
Blacken – Blah_canbespanish
New Characters:
The Soldier – The Captain (Hellsing)
Mikuru – Mikuru Asahina (Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
Gauron – Gauron (Full Metal Panic!)
References:
The Zeppelin, the words on the Zeppelin (altered a bit, obviously), and Matrix’s little thing about Willis space – Hellsing.
What is thy bidding – Star Wars reference. Duh
Strawberry sundaes – Devil May Cry! Reference.
Cool Mexicanos – Reference to a duo of spammers who wreaked havoc on the boards ages and ages ago. The spammers were named Shadowstaar and Blah_canbespanish.