Chapter 10 - Into the Void
By k_dawg_3484
Emiri lay sprawled out on her bed reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Things had been boring since that hot detective had interviewed her the other day. Kira methodically worked his way around the room dusting the furniture, sweeping up broken glass, patching holes in the walls, and saying prayers over the piles of stuffed animal limbs and torsos that littered the floor. He heaved an epic sigh; just another typical day.
“I would rape the Count in an instant, you know,” Emiri said without looking up. “Not because he’s probably really hot or has a deep sexy voice, or because of the endless possibilities that Albert and Franz bring to the table. Naw, I just love his personality and cleverness.”
“Is that so?” mumbled Kira unenthusiastically.
“Yep, you douchebag. Whaddaya take me for, some sort of crazy fangirl?” she smiled cutely back. “Oh, but Kira……also because he’s probably really hot and has a deep sexy voice, and because of the endless possibilities Albert and Franz bring to the table.”
Kira’s cell phone rang. He answered it and listened for half a minute. “Understood,” he murmured and hung up.
“They need you.”
“Does it sound fun?” she asked, now doodling in her book.
“For you? Yeah, I think so. He said they want you to make a mess.”
“All right.” She stopped turning Dumas’ work into a “graphic” novel and stood up. “Let’s go. Bring me the loli dress again. It looks cute with blood splattered on it.”
***
Heero and Riza had just left Trunks’ Pub after another night of drinking and scheming. Of course, it was still open. Trunks had nowhere else to go even without his beloved DDR machine. (He was having one imported from the Land of the Rising Big Red Dot, but it would be a while.) The couple walked home down the narrow back streets, gun cases slung over their backs, and continued the night’s discussion between themselves.
It was a new moon, and the dull yellow light of the streetlamps did little to improve the blanketing darkness. Even the shadows of the cars on the street seemed to maintain a temporal existence before they were swallowed up by the void. Neither Heero nor Riza noticed the petite figure leaning against one of the lamps up ahead. Then came the chilling laugh of a voice they’d heard before.
Riza and Heero had proven their mettle and loyalty in the shootout with Creme’s troops. Consequently, their reputation had spread quickly through the underground. The citizens were as tight-lipped with information as always, but their excitement was still tangible. Counselor Goda sensed this and immediately recognized the psychological warfare opportunity. Forensic evidence of the shootout showed that cold, professional work of a sniper. As there had been no living witnesses, initially the identity of the perpetrators had been unknown. However, as Heero was fond of announcing “We’re freelance snipers” to whole bars of people, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Naturally, the only way to deprive the people of their new heroes with maximum effect was to call Emiri.
Heero had heard that voice before, coming from Hikki’s communicator during the assault on Comdot. His blood ran cold.
“Hello, lady and gentleman,” Emiri said in a disturbingly calm and kinda sexy voice, “I’ve come to take your lives. And your dignity. And possibly your virginity…” She looked at Riza. “…though it looks like for that I might need a waaaaay waaaaay back machine.”
“Who are you?” Riza asked, as she and Heero both reached slowly behind their backs to grab their rifles out of their bags.
“Psssh, you won’t live long enough to remember my name,” Emiri retorted.
The couple simultaneously went for their guns with incredible speed, but just as they were both about to fire, something wrapped around both their muzzles and yanked the rifles out of their hands. The petite girl thirty feet in front of them now stepped fully into the light, revealing a lovely and fashionable white gothloli dress. In one hand she held a vicious-looking bladed chain whip with their guns dragging from it, and in the other a two-foot blade curved inwards like a raptor claw. The glint in her eyes pierced even through the darkness.
Heero and Riza both went for their sidearms, but their target had suddenly vanished. Then from the side came a quick flash, and Heero’s right arm was severed clean off at the shoulder. “Run, Riza!” Heero yelled as he managed to pull his attacker to the ground with him. Riza fired one shot, but missed Emiri and hit her husband in the other shoulder. Mortified, she dropped her gun and started running, but Emiri nailed her in both thighs with a pair of throwing knives, and she slumped to the ground.
Standing over Heero, who was writhing in agony, a grin slowly crept across Emiri’s face.
“You there…” She looked at Riza. “I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you tonight. Instead, go back and tell your boss what you saw here tonight. Tell all of them that it’s only a taste of what’s to come if we ever hear another word from you scum. But first, make sure you watch this.”
Emiri knelt down next to Heero. who was still squirming.
“Ya know, Kira’s always telling me that liver is full of iron. It still disgusts me though. I prefer it full of steel!”
With one swoop of her clawlike blade she cut open his abdomen, spilling his intestines and organs into the street. Riza screamed, but didn’t dare approach her husband with Emiri there. Heero managed to cough out, “I love you,” before finally going limp. Through tears, Riza called out, “I love you, too,” and then turned around and hobbled off into the darkness. Emiri continued to grin the whole time.
*******************
Riza struggled back to Trunks’ Pub and collapsed through the door onto the ground. The place was empty except for Angel, who was sitting at their normal planning and scheming table alone. She jumped up when she saw Riza fall through the door.
“Riza! OMGWTFBBQ!” (Angel had grown up in a neighborhood where Actonian dialect was very prevalent.) “What happened to you?!”
“Where is everyone?” Riza asked as Angel helped her up.
“They’re all carrying Trunks home again. You know how much he’s been drinking recently without his DDR machine. He’s scared he’s gonna get rusty and only be able to pull off AA’s on MAX 300. Anyways, I digress. What the hell happened to you?! Where’s Heero?”
“He’s…he’s…gone, Angel!” Riza sobbed and collapsed into Angel’s chest. Angel rubbed Riza’s back to try to calm down her hysterical friend and laid her down on the table to tend to her wounds. Riza was still freaking out, though, so Angel poured her a couple of glasses of wine to loosen her up (even though alcohol is really the last thing you should drink when you’re bleeding o_O). It seemed to work. Riza began to calm down and relayed everything that had happened while Angel tended to her wounds.
“I just can’t believe it,” said Angel as she tore off Riza’s thigh bandage with her teeth. “That’s just so awful even I’m all tense and quivering. Poor Heero. And poor you…” She looked at Riza sympathetically. “You look kind of flushed. Let me feel your forehead.”
Angel brushed her hand over Riza’s forehead. “Aww, hell. My hands are always cold. Let me try something different.” She brushed Riza’s hair to the side and laid her cheek on Riza’s forehead. “Shit, you’re really burning up. Seriously, this is not good. We gotta cool you down…now!” Frantically looking around, she spotted a pitcher of water on the bar and ran over to grab both it and a towel.
As she was returning, however, she tripped on her shoelace (which she had untied initially thinking Riza might need a tourniquet). The pitcher of water flew out of her hands, soaking Riza in water. “Oh nooooo!” wailed Angel. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a klutz sometimes.”
“It’s ok,” said Riza. “It felt pretty good. Don’t worry about it. Thank you so much just for taking care of me. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”
“Aww, any time, any place, my friend. Anyways, I’m finally done patching you up.” Angel collapsed on her back next to Riza on the table. “Wow, I’m exhausted. This has been a long and crazy day. I think I’m still gonna have trouble taking it all in.” She turned her head to look at Riza. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing a lot better. Honestly, I thought I was licked back there. That lust in her eyes. It was insatiable. It’s still making me shiver.”
“Well, you’re safe now. Don’t worry, I’m here,” Angel said, trying to comfort her still shaken friend. They lay there silently for a while, still breathing heavily. Finally, Angel spoke up. “Well, we should probably get those wet and bloody clothes off you………”
***CENSORED***
When Riza woke up, Angel was gone, presumably to go tell the others what had happened (well, most of what had happened). Having slept well, and in a clearer state of mind, she suddenly remembered Heero (or what was left of him). She immediately broke down into tears. What was she going to do now, she thought? She missed him so much. She couldn’t get the image of that girl’s eyes out of her head. Those horrible, piercing eyes.
“What can I do? He and I were a team. I can’t do it without him. No. I’d never be able to. I need him just like he needed me. We were a team…” She couldn’t stop sobbing. She reached down into her ankle gun holster (which had apparently stayed on through the whole night) and slowly pulled out her snub-nosed .38 Special
“We’ll still be a team. That’s right. We’ll be mercenaries, like we’ve always been. I’ll be his spotter, like always. We’ll be just fine. We’ll be together.”
Suddenly, her franticness dissipated. “Well, I suppose Angel will tell them everything. They’ll take care of it. Yep, we’ll all be fine.”
“Honey, I’m home.”
BANG!
*******************
Angel had indeed gone to tell everyone what had happened. Had Matrix been involved, she wondered, as she ran to Luna’s Café? Only he could have created such a monster, right? She hoped that this wasn’t revenge for his crotch.
It hadn’t been revenge for Matrix’s crotch. Matrix was indeed thinking about his crotch, however. But he was smiling.
BOOM!
“Another successful test, Larry!” called Matrix, zipping up his fly. Smoke was whispering from his pants. Larry groaned.
“I don’t understand why you need that thing,” Larry sighed. “Medical technology has advanced far enough to where we could have just reattached the old one.”
“Ahhh, but you’re not thinking big, Larry! (‘Not that big,’ Larry thought.) I’m a mad scientist. It’s common knowledge that, when one of us gets maimed or injured, we’re supposed to come back better and stronger and partially mechanical. Amy, go bite his head!”
Amy jumped out from her pillow fort in the corner, rushed over, and sunk her teeth into Larry’s head. Larry just sighed and walked back to his station while Amy gnawed at his scalp.
“You’re no fun, Larry. Don’t you get it? When I tell a chick I’ll blow her away in bed, now it’s a double entendre! Gah! Humor is wasted on you.”
“Kill me now,” Larry muttered to himself.
“No can do, Larry. But I have someone here who might oblige! Behold, my newest creation! Amy, go get the curtain.”
“Swath theth (sure thing)!” Amy chirped as she took one more bite of Larry’s cranium and rushed over to pull aside the curtain on a medical stretcher in the middle of the room. Under it was a well-built man covered only by a strategic towel.
“THIS is……Amy, give a drumroll!” Amy ran over and sat at her drumset and started a drumroll.
“THIS is……Goose Maverick, our newest super-spy. He’s been genetically altered to have incredible speed, strength, stamina, healing ability, and pretty much anything you can think of. He’s going to be our covert secret weapon in this war against the Syndicate.”
“Goose…Maverick?” Larry sunk into his chair. “Is that his code name or something?”
“Actually, it’s his real name. His parents were obsessive fans of that 80’s movie...gah, you know the one, I’m talking about…it had that short crazy guy and that guy with the glasses from ER….c’mon you know the one…”
“I don’t watch a lot of movies,” Larry replied.
“You suck, Larry. But you did great work on my cybernetic laser Johnson, so I love you anyways.”
Larry winced. “So why did this guy get chosen for the experiment? What will make him such a great spy?” Larry asked, trying to get the images of the molding process out of his mind.
“Well, simply put, he likes everything. He likes EVERYTHING. He likes people from Actonia. He likes people from Comedia. He likes Ozzal. He likes anchovies. He likes cold rainy walks on the beach. Carnies. Everything.”
“And that’s good because…”
“Who doesn’t feel comfortable around someone who likes everything they do? He could probably infiltrate the Phantom Zone and make friends there. And those guys suck at parties.”
“Wow.” Larry was surprised. “You actually sound like you not only did something useful for once, but did it right. I was totally expecting this to involve more tentacles.”
“Take a look under the towel.” Matrix grinned widely.
Larry sighed.
*******************
Keith had once again asked Allen to meet him at the Café de Lune to discuss their current case, the Weird case where 21 soldiers had been killed at Trunks’ pub. Keith was still perplexed and it showed as he stuffed cheese Danish after cheese Danish into his mouth.
“I don’t get it, Al. Twenty-one f*cking soldiers die and they order us to let that dive stay open. A crime scene like that? WTFBBQ?”
“Did you just speak out loud in letters like you were talking on the internet?” Allen looked positively weirded out.
Keith hadn’t heard him. He’d put Pop-Rocks in the Coke he was drinking.
“Dawg, I know they’re our guys, but, **bleep** it, if it doesn’t seem like they kinda had to coming,” Al suddenly said. “I mean, I’ve met that Weird guy. Total dick. Real idiot. And there are a lot of guys just like him, too. I mean, he just barges in there like we’re dealing with a couple of drug dealers or something. Of course, he’s gonna get his **bleep** shot up.”
“That may be true, Al. But if we indulge in that kind of rationalization of behavior, we’re inviting chaos upon ourselves. We have law and order for a reason and that’s to keep society from falling apart at the…oh, this is better than sex.” Keith had shoved another cheese Danish in his mouth.
“You’re gonna get fat, you know,” Al retorted.
“Not as fat as yo mama!” Keith did fist pump. Al did a facepalm, and resolved to finally finish that Powerpoint presentation on colloquialisms he’d been preparing for his friend.
Keith’s phone rang. “Are you kidding me? Gah, I just ate. Alright, we’ll be over there in a little bit.
“Party Party Join Us Join Us? That’s your new ringtone?” Al looked positively confuzzled.
“I only use that one for the medical examiner. I thought it would lighten the mood. Instead it’s become like the most depressing song in the world to me. We’ve got a murder. Let’s go. Wait, hold on.”
Keith walked up to Hikki at the counter. “Do you have any barfbags we can have?”
Hikki reddened. “Sacre bleu! Ze nerve! Well, I nevah! Geet the hell out of my ziight!”
***
Al and Keith arrived at the street behind Trunks’ place and promptly emptied their stomachs. In fact everyone did. Even Quentin Tarantino who just happened to be on his way to the Pub to visit his biggest fan to tell him to stop sending so much **bleep** fan mail.
There was Heero. And there were Heero’s guts. And over there were also Heero’s guts. Of course, Emiri had eviscerated him. But then she used his 30 some-odd feet of intestines to spell out in lovely cursive “WhothehelldoyouthinkIam?” The “I am?” part she had made with his legs and arms since she’d run out of intestines. Keith mourned for his cheese Danishes.
After they finished puking they’re guts out (pun intended), Keith and Al went over to talk to the officer in charge of the scene. Apparently there had been no witnesses. People had heard a scream, but had figured it was just been another Lil’ Slugger attack so they paid it no attention. Those were soooo 2005 so nobody cared anymore. Keith left Al to coordinate things while he wandered off to clear his head.
“I can’t believe nobody saw what happened!” Keith suddenly shouted. At that instant two figures slunk out from behind a nearby shop.
“We saw what happened. :|” the boy said. Both he and the girl were around 18 years old.
“You what?! Who are you kids?!”
“Cheeyeeeaahh, we sawww it O_O <_< It was horrrrrible. T_T,” the girl interrupted. Her facial expressions change rapidly and she was really hyper. Really hyper.
“Wait, calm down” Keith pleaded. “What did you see?”
“:| We saw her kill him. :|”
“Chheeayyeahh. o_O She was scaaaaarryy. O_o It was like watching someone take apart a lobsteerrrrr. TT_TT.”
“It was a girl? Are you sure?”
“We heard her laugh and then we went and hid and couldn’t hear anymore. :|” This kid’s face never changed expressions, Keith noticed. Quite unlike his friend.
“Why were you kids out on the street so late?”
“Weeeee were gonna go play DDR at Trunnnkkksss’ place:D >_> Riiighhhghtt, Rocchhhii?! :D He’s reaalllly good. Better than meeeee. O_O T_T.”
“:| His machine was broken so we came home. That’s when we saw all this go down :|”
“Show some emotion, dammit,” Keith was thinking. “Why are you kids telling me this?” he asked.
“Dunno. Gotta tell someone. :|”
“Chyyeaahhh. o_O We don’t know what to doooo. T_T”
“But you kids live around here. Aren’t you sympathetic to Syndicate? Why are you talking to me?”
“We don’t like the government. Who does? But we don’t like the mob either. :|”
“O_O -_- o_O >_> <_< T_T O_o x_x.” His friend had amused herself.
“Why not?” Keith inquired.
The one called Roooccchhiii suddenly looked slightly less indifferent. “Did you know that KOTOKO was supposed to be playing a concert here a few months ago? :|”
“Rocchhii loooovvveeesss her :D”
“:| She was supposed to come over all the way from the Land of the Rising Big Red Dot. K But the mob’s been so violent lately that at the last minute she cancelled. :|:|:| And on top of that, I didn’t get a damn refund. The mob fails at times. :|”
“Chyeahhh. T_T. Roccchiiii and I were gonna gooooo and ravvveee! T_T” They both seemed more upset about the concert now than the ghastly murder they’d just witnessed. Keith wondered what this KOTOKO thing was. It sounded like some sort of energy drink. Keith was always clueless when it came to this stuff.
Keith talked with them at length about what they had seen. That kid’s :| still kept bothering him. When he finished, he got up to leave.
“Waiiiiiitttt, Misssttteeerrrr O_O. You’re not gonna put that in a report are you o_O?!! If they find ouuuttt we talked to a cop, they’ll kiiiilllll us! T_T”
“Naw, I’m not gonna tell anyone. Nobody’d believe me anyways. I need to do some more investigating. Say, do you guys go play DDR—whatever the hell that is—at Trunks place’ a lot?”
“:| Yeah. All the time. :|”
“And nobody pays you any attention when you’re there?”
“Not reeeaallly. >_> We just plaaayay against Trunnnkkkss a lot.-_- <_<. When he’s not drunk. -___-”
“Hey what are your names, you two?” Keith asked.
“I’m Falchieeeeeee! :D”
“Orochi. Grant Orochi. :|”
“Congratulations Falchieeeeeee and Orochi. You’re my new informants.”
***
Back at the crime scene, Allen was just finishing up when Keith walked up.
“I see you’re feeling better,” Al said bitingly, having been up to his waist in guts the whole time.
“Cheeeyyyeaahhhh!!!!” replied Keith. “Let’s go. :|”
*******************
New Characters
Goose Maverick = Top_Gun
Grant Orochi = the_great_orochi
Falchieeeeee = FalchBurns
Cameos
Quentin Tarantino, needs no introduction
KOTOKO (by mention), great J-pop artist who has one of her biggest fans in real life Orochi.
Places
Land of the Rising Big Red Dot = Japan
Emiri lay sprawled out on her bed reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Things had been boring since that hot detective had interviewed her the other day. Kira methodically worked his way around the room dusting the furniture, sweeping up broken glass, patching holes in the walls, and saying prayers over the piles of stuffed animal limbs and torsos that littered the floor. He heaved an epic sigh; just another typical day.
“I would rape the Count in an instant, you know,” Emiri said without looking up. “Not because he’s probably really hot or has a deep sexy voice, or because of the endless possibilities that Albert and Franz bring to the table. Naw, I just love his personality and cleverness.”
“Is that so?” mumbled Kira unenthusiastically.
“Yep, you douchebag. Whaddaya take me for, some sort of crazy fangirl?” she smiled cutely back. “Oh, but Kira……also because he’s probably really hot and has a deep sexy voice, and because of the endless possibilities Albert and Franz bring to the table.”
Kira’s cell phone rang. He answered it and listened for half a minute. “Understood,” he murmured and hung up.
“They need you.”
“Does it sound fun?” she asked, now doodling in her book.
“For you? Yeah, I think so. He said they want you to make a mess.”
“All right.” She stopped turning Dumas’ work into a “graphic” novel and stood up. “Let’s go. Bring me the loli dress again. It looks cute with blood splattered on it.”
***
Heero and Riza had just left Trunks’ Pub after another night of drinking and scheming. Of course, it was still open. Trunks had nowhere else to go even without his beloved DDR machine. (He was having one imported from the Land of the Rising Big Red Dot, but it would be a while.) The couple walked home down the narrow back streets, gun cases slung over their backs, and continued the night’s discussion between themselves.
It was a new moon, and the dull yellow light of the streetlamps did little to improve the blanketing darkness. Even the shadows of the cars on the street seemed to maintain a temporal existence before they were swallowed up by the void. Neither Heero nor Riza noticed the petite figure leaning against one of the lamps up ahead. Then came the chilling laugh of a voice they’d heard before.
Riza and Heero had proven their mettle and loyalty in the shootout with Creme’s troops. Consequently, their reputation had spread quickly through the underground. The citizens were as tight-lipped with information as always, but their excitement was still tangible. Counselor Goda sensed this and immediately recognized the psychological warfare opportunity. Forensic evidence of the shootout showed that cold, professional work of a sniper. As there had been no living witnesses, initially the identity of the perpetrators had been unknown. However, as Heero was fond of announcing “We’re freelance snipers” to whole bars of people, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Naturally, the only way to deprive the people of their new heroes with maximum effect was to call Emiri.
Heero had heard that voice before, coming from Hikki’s communicator during the assault on Comdot. His blood ran cold.
“Hello, lady and gentleman,” Emiri said in a disturbingly calm and kinda sexy voice, “I’ve come to take your lives. And your dignity. And possibly your virginity…” She looked at Riza. “…though it looks like for that I might need a waaaaay waaaaay back machine.”
“Who are you?” Riza asked, as she and Heero both reached slowly behind their backs to grab their rifles out of their bags.
“Psssh, you won’t live long enough to remember my name,” Emiri retorted.
The couple simultaneously went for their guns with incredible speed, but just as they were both about to fire, something wrapped around both their muzzles and yanked the rifles out of their hands. The petite girl thirty feet in front of them now stepped fully into the light, revealing a lovely and fashionable white gothloli dress. In one hand she held a vicious-looking bladed chain whip with their guns dragging from it, and in the other a two-foot blade curved inwards like a raptor claw. The glint in her eyes pierced even through the darkness.
Heero and Riza both went for their sidearms, but their target had suddenly vanished. Then from the side came a quick flash, and Heero’s right arm was severed clean off at the shoulder. “Run, Riza!” Heero yelled as he managed to pull his attacker to the ground with him. Riza fired one shot, but missed Emiri and hit her husband in the other shoulder. Mortified, she dropped her gun and started running, but Emiri nailed her in both thighs with a pair of throwing knives, and she slumped to the ground.
Standing over Heero, who was writhing in agony, a grin slowly crept across Emiri’s face.
“You there…” She looked at Riza. “I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you tonight. Instead, go back and tell your boss what you saw here tonight. Tell all of them that it’s only a taste of what’s to come if we ever hear another word from you scum. But first, make sure you watch this.”
Emiri knelt down next to Heero. who was still squirming.
“Ya know, Kira’s always telling me that liver is full of iron. It still disgusts me though. I prefer it full of steel!”
With one swoop of her clawlike blade she cut open his abdomen, spilling his intestines and organs into the street. Riza screamed, but didn’t dare approach her husband with Emiri there. Heero managed to cough out, “I love you,” before finally going limp. Through tears, Riza called out, “I love you, too,” and then turned around and hobbled off into the darkness. Emiri continued to grin the whole time.
*******************
Riza struggled back to Trunks’ Pub and collapsed through the door onto the ground. The place was empty except for Angel, who was sitting at their normal planning and scheming table alone. She jumped up when she saw Riza fall through the door.
“Riza! OMGWTFBBQ!” (Angel had grown up in a neighborhood where Actonian dialect was very prevalent.) “What happened to you?!”
“Where is everyone?” Riza asked as Angel helped her up.
“They’re all carrying Trunks home again. You know how much he’s been drinking recently without his DDR machine. He’s scared he’s gonna get rusty and only be able to pull off AA’s on MAX 300. Anyways, I digress. What the hell happened to you?! Where’s Heero?”
“He’s…he’s…gone, Angel!” Riza sobbed and collapsed into Angel’s chest. Angel rubbed Riza’s back to try to calm down her hysterical friend and laid her down on the table to tend to her wounds. Riza was still freaking out, though, so Angel poured her a couple of glasses of wine to loosen her up (even though alcohol is really the last thing you should drink when you’re bleeding o_O). It seemed to work. Riza began to calm down and relayed everything that had happened while Angel tended to her wounds.
“I just can’t believe it,” said Angel as she tore off Riza’s thigh bandage with her teeth. “That’s just so awful even I’m all tense and quivering. Poor Heero. And poor you…” She looked at Riza sympathetically. “You look kind of flushed. Let me feel your forehead.”
Angel brushed her hand over Riza’s forehead. “Aww, hell. My hands are always cold. Let me try something different.” She brushed Riza’s hair to the side and laid her cheek on Riza’s forehead. “Shit, you’re really burning up. Seriously, this is not good. We gotta cool you down…now!” Frantically looking around, she spotted a pitcher of water on the bar and ran over to grab both it and a towel.
As she was returning, however, she tripped on her shoelace (which she had untied initially thinking Riza might need a tourniquet). The pitcher of water flew out of her hands, soaking Riza in water. “Oh nooooo!” wailed Angel. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a klutz sometimes.”
“It’s ok,” said Riza. “It felt pretty good. Don’t worry about it. Thank you so much just for taking care of me. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”
“Aww, any time, any place, my friend. Anyways, I’m finally done patching you up.” Angel collapsed on her back next to Riza on the table. “Wow, I’m exhausted. This has been a long and crazy day. I think I’m still gonna have trouble taking it all in.” She turned her head to look at Riza. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing a lot better. Honestly, I thought I was licked back there. That lust in her eyes. It was insatiable. It’s still making me shiver.”
“Well, you’re safe now. Don’t worry, I’m here,” Angel said, trying to comfort her still shaken friend. They lay there silently for a while, still breathing heavily. Finally, Angel spoke up. “Well, we should probably get those wet and bloody clothes off you………”
***CENSORED***
When Riza woke up, Angel was gone, presumably to go tell the others what had happened (well, most of what had happened). Having slept well, and in a clearer state of mind, she suddenly remembered Heero (or what was left of him). She immediately broke down into tears. What was she going to do now, she thought? She missed him so much. She couldn’t get the image of that girl’s eyes out of her head. Those horrible, piercing eyes.
“What can I do? He and I were a team. I can’t do it without him. No. I’d never be able to. I need him just like he needed me. We were a team…” She couldn’t stop sobbing. She reached down into her ankle gun holster (which had apparently stayed on through the whole night) and slowly pulled out her snub-nosed .38 Special
“We’ll still be a team. That’s right. We’ll be mercenaries, like we’ve always been. I’ll be his spotter, like always. We’ll be just fine. We’ll be together.”
Suddenly, her franticness dissipated. “Well, I suppose Angel will tell them everything. They’ll take care of it. Yep, we’ll all be fine.”
“Honey, I’m home.”
BANG!
*******************
Angel had indeed gone to tell everyone what had happened. Had Matrix been involved, she wondered, as she ran to Luna’s Café? Only he could have created such a monster, right? She hoped that this wasn’t revenge for his crotch.
It hadn’t been revenge for Matrix’s crotch. Matrix was indeed thinking about his crotch, however. But he was smiling.
BOOM!
“Another successful test, Larry!” called Matrix, zipping up his fly. Smoke was whispering from his pants. Larry groaned.
“I don’t understand why you need that thing,” Larry sighed. “Medical technology has advanced far enough to where we could have just reattached the old one.”
“Ahhh, but you’re not thinking big, Larry! (‘Not that big,’ Larry thought.) I’m a mad scientist. It’s common knowledge that, when one of us gets maimed or injured, we’re supposed to come back better and stronger and partially mechanical. Amy, go bite his head!”
Amy jumped out from her pillow fort in the corner, rushed over, and sunk her teeth into Larry’s head. Larry just sighed and walked back to his station while Amy gnawed at his scalp.
“You’re no fun, Larry. Don’t you get it? When I tell a chick I’ll blow her away in bed, now it’s a double entendre! Gah! Humor is wasted on you.”
“Kill me now,” Larry muttered to himself.
“No can do, Larry. But I have someone here who might oblige! Behold, my newest creation! Amy, go get the curtain.”
“Swath theth (sure thing)!” Amy chirped as she took one more bite of Larry’s cranium and rushed over to pull aside the curtain on a medical stretcher in the middle of the room. Under it was a well-built man covered only by a strategic towel.
“THIS is……Amy, give a drumroll!” Amy ran over and sat at her drumset and started a drumroll.
“THIS is……Goose Maverick, our newest super-spy. He’s been genetically altered to have incredible speed, strength, stamina, healing ability, and pretty much anything you can think of. He’s going to be our covert secret weapon in this war against the Syndicate.”
“Goose…Maverick?” Larry sunk into his chair. “Is that his code name or something?”
“Actually, it’s his real name. His parents were obsessive fans of that 80’s movie...gah, you know the one, I’m talking about…it had that short crazy guy and that guy with the glasses from ER….c’mon you know the one…”
“I don’t watch a lot of movies,” Larry replied.
“You suck, Larry. But you did great work on my cybernetic laser Johnson, so I love you anyways.”
Larry winced. “So why did this guy get chosen for the experiment? What will make him such a great spy?” Larry asked, trying to get the images of the molding process out of his mind.
“Well, simply put, he likes everything. He likes EVERYTHING. He likes people from Actonia. He likes people from Comedia. He likes Ozzal. He likes anchovies. He likes cold rainy walks on the beach. Carnies. Everything.”
“And that’s good because…”
“Who doesn’t feel comfortable around someone who likes everything they do? He could probably infiltrate the Phantom Zone and make friends there. And those guys suck at parties.”
“Wow.” Larry was surprised. “You actually sound like you not only did something useful for once, but did it right. I was totally expecting this to involve more tentacles.”
“Take a look under the towel.” Matrix grinned widely.
Larry sighed.
*******************
Keith had once again asked Allen to meet him at the Café de Lune to discuss their current case, the Weird case where 21 soldiers had been killed at Trunks’ pub. Keith was still perplexed and it showed as he stuffed cheese Danish after cheese Danish into his mouth.
“I don’t get it, Al. Twenty-one f*cking soldiers die and they order us to let that dive stay open. A crime scene like that? WTFBBQ?”
“Did you just speak out loud in letters like you were talking on the internet?” Allen looked positively weirded out.
Keith hadn’t heard him. He’d put Pop-Rocks in the Coke he was drinking.
“Dawg, I know they’re our guys, but, **bleep** it, if it doesn’t seem like they kinda had to coming,” Al suddenly said. “I mean, I’ve met that Weird guy. Total dick. Real idiot. And there are a lot of guys just like him, too. I mean, he just barges in there like we’re dealing with a couple of drug dealers or something. Of course, he’s gonna get his **bleep** shot up.”
“That may be true, Al. But if we indulge in that kind of rationalization of behavior, we’re inviting chaos upon ourselves. We have law and order for a reason and that’s to keep society from falling apart at the…oh, this is better than sex.” Keith had shoved another cheese Danish in his mouth.
“You’re gonna get fat, you know,” Al retorted.
“Not as fat as yo mama!” Keith did fist pump. Al did a facepalm, and resolved to finally finish that Powerpoint presentation on colloquialisms he’d been preparing for his friend.
Keith’s phone rang. “Are you kidding me? Gah, I just ate. Alright, we’ll be over there in a little bit.
“Party Party Join Us Join Us? That’s your new ringtone?” Al looked positively confuzzled.
“I only use that one for the medical examiner. I thought it would lighten the mood. Instead it’s become like the most depressing song in the world to me. We’ve got a murder. Let’s go. Wait, hold on.”
Keith walked up to Hikki at the counter. “Do you have any barfbags we can have?”
Hikki reddened. “Sacre bleu! Ze nerve! Well, I nevah! Geet the hell out of my ziight!”
***
Al and Keith arrived at the street behind Trunks’ place and promptly emptied their stomachs. In fact everyone did. Even Quentin Tarantino who just happened to be on his way to the Pub to visit his biggest fan to tell him to stop sending so much **bleep** fan mail.
There was Heero. And there were Heero’s guts. And over there were also Heero’s guts. Of course, Emiri had eviscerated him. But then she used his 30 some-odd feet of intestines to spell out in lovely cursive “WhothehelldoyouthinkIam?” The “I am?” part she had made with his legs and arms since she’d run out of intestines. Keith mourned for his cheese Danishes.
After they finished puking they’re guts out (pun intended), Keith and Al went over to talk to the officer in charge of the scene. Apparently there had been no witnesses. People had heard a scream, but had figured it was just been another Lil’ Slugger attack so they paid it no attention. Those were soooo 2005 so nobody cared anymore. Keith left Al to coordinate things while he wandered off to clear his head.
“I can’t believe nobody saw what happened!” Keith suddenly shouted. At that instant two figures slunk out from behind a nearby shop.
“We saw what happened. :|” the boy said. Both he and the girl were around 18 years old.
“You what?! Who are you kids?!”
“Cheeyeeeaahh, we sawww it O_O <_< It was horrrrrible. T_T,” the girl interrupted. Her facial expressions change rapidly and she was really hyper. Really hyper.
“Wait, calm down” Keith pleaded. “What did you see?”
“:| We saw her kill him. :|”
“Chheeayyeahh. o_O She was scaaaaarryy. O_o It was like watching someone take apart a lobsteerrrrr. TT_TT.”
“It was a girl? Are you sure?”
“We heard her laugh and then we went and hid and couldn’t hear anymore. :|” This kid’s face never changed expressions, Keith noticed. Quite unlike his friend.
“Why were you kids out on the street so late?”
“Weeeee were gonna go play DDR at Trunnnkkksss’ place:D >_> Riiighhhghtt, Rocchhhii?! :D He’s reaalllly good. Better than meeeee. O_O T_T.”
“:| His machine was broken so we came home. That’s when we saw all this go down :|”
“Show some emotion, dammit,” Keith was thinking. “Why are you kids telling me this?” he asked.
“Dunno. Gotta tell someone. :|”
“Chyyeaahhh. o_O We don’t know what to doooo. T_T”
“But you kids live around here. Aren’t you sympathetic to Syndicate? Why are you talking to me?”
“We don’t like the government. Who does? But we don’t like the mob either. :|”
“O_O -_- o_O >_> <_< T_T O_o x_x.” His friend had amused herself.
“Why not?” Keith inquired.
The one called Roooccchhiii suddenly looked slightly less indifferent. “Did you know that KOTOKO was supposed to be playing a concert here a few months ago? :|”
“Rocchhii loooovvveeesss her :D”
“:| She was supposed to come over all the way from the Land of the Rising Big Red Dot. K But the mob’s been so violent lately that at the last minute she cancelled. :|:|:| And on top of that, I didn’t get a damn refund. The mob fails at times. :|”
“Chyeahhh. T_T. Roccchiiii and I were gonna gooooo and ravvveee! T_T” They both seemed more upset about the concert now than the ghastly murder they’d just witnessed. Keith wondered what this KOTOKO thing was. It sounded like some sort of energy drink. Keith was always clueless when it came to this stuff.
Keith talked with them at length about what they had seen. That kid’s :| still kept bothering him. When he finished, he got up to leave.
“Waiiiiiitttt, Misssttteeerrrr O_O. You’re not gonna put that in a report are you o_O?!! If they find ouuuttt we talked to a cop, they’ll kiiiilllll us! T_T”
“Naw, I’m not gonna tell anyone. Nobody’d believe me anyways. I need to do some more investigating. Say, do you guys go play DDR—whatever the hell that is—at Trunks place’ a lot?”
“:| Yeah. All the time. :|”
“And nobody pays you any attention when you’re there?”
“Not reeeaallly. >_> We just plaaayay against Trunnnkkkss a lot.-_- <_<. When he’s not drunk. -___-”
“Hey what are your names, you two?” Keith asked.
“I’m Falchieeeeeee! :D”
“Orochi. Grant Orochi. :|”
“Congratulations Falchieeeeeee and Orochi. You’re my new informants.”
***
Back at the crime scene, Allen was just finishing up when Keith walked up.
“I see you’re feeling better,” Al said bitingly, having been up to his waist in guts the whole time.
“Cheeeyyyeaahhhh!!!!” replied Keith. “Let’s go. :|”
*******************
New Characters
Goose Maverick = Top_Gun
Grant Orochi = the_great_orochi
Falchieeeeee = FalchBurns
Cameos
Quentin Tarantino, needs no introduction
KOTOKO (by mention), great J-pop artist who has one of her biggest fans in real life Orochi.
Places
Land of the Rising Big Red Dot = Japan